can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
