There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
