mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
