I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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