i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
