i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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