I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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