I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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