I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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