Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
