Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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