I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
