So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
