Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
