No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
