But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
