my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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