there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
