the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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