sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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