Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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