just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will be naked everywhere
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
