He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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