Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
