And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
