it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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