bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
