is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
