i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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