I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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