Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
