did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
