Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
