Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then he tried to convert me to islam
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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