I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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