I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize