I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
