The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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