i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
