you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
