Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
