I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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