he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
dude. I can hear the air.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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