I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
