apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
