Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
