ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
