No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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