I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize