She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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