It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
