just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize