with your own penis?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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