you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize