we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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