Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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