worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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