and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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