mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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