take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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