Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
