i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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