Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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