im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
