chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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