I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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