He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
