she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
