last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
