Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
