went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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