is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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