So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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