just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
